Existential crisis

Oh my! The bigger the project, the bigger existential downer afterwards!

The reason I haven't posted here for a long time is because I had my masters recital last night. This was one hour of music that I have been focussing on since February - it is as though the whole year's work was distilled into that one event. The focus was intense, to say the least.

I find it really hard to evaluate my performance. There were a lot of things I was very pleased with, and also quite a few moments I was distinctly not pleased with. But I realised a few days ago that I never really believed that I could actually get up there and do it, so the very fact that I did it is excellent!

I had it recorded, and it will be interesting to listen back to the recording, and see how it sounded from the outside. Often I find, when listening back to recorded performances, that mistakes and glitches that seemed massive from the perspective of the performer actually are barely noticable, while other things that I was hardly aware of at the time stick out like sore thumbs.

But it's all in the past now.

And I'm facing a sink full of unwashed dishes and a desk full of unpaid bills. Welcome back to normality!

Sparkling shiraz

Life is full of meetings and partings. Some last for a lifetime, some for only a few hours. The length of time does not reflect the significance of the encounter. A moment shared between two people. A memory held for life. A smile, a glance, a kiss. They won’t be forgotten. The heart holds more than photographs.

Is a bittersweet parting at the airport better than a messy domestic break up in a year’s time? Or is it the safe option?

(and by the way, Tasmania was beautiful)

Heading South

I'm off to Tasmania for a few days. I feel I may not be quite the same person when I return. I'll let you know...

Saturday morning in Eltham

The sun was shining, but it's not any more. The air is sweet, though, and I have my front door open. I am hibernating this weekend. Today is the first day for a month that I haven't had to drive into the city, and I plan to make the most of it.

I am listening to
and drinking organic orange juice, which is one of the best things eva :)

The plan for today is to practice, write, read, rest...

There is one phrase from a book I am reading which for some reason won't leave me alone: "every heart has secrets is dares not tell". I am not quite at peace with my life just now, there is a niggling feeling in my heart... but there's nothing I can do about it now, so it may just have to lie there for a while longer.

What is Practice? Part 5...

Hello, My Name is Practice

I am planned and disciplined, spontaneous and creative.
I marry emotion and reason, technique and expression.
I am focus and imagination, work and play.

Sometimes I like to repeat things over and over again, listening for small changes each time. I gain insight through mantra.

Sometimes I like to perform for myself with abandon, not caring about wrong notes, but feeling the sweep of the music carry me away.

I can be a microscope, investigating the smallest detail of a trill, or a giant telescope, linking the constellations of movements, keys and themes.

I can lose myself in intricate detail and discover infinity in a simple melody.

My heart moves within and without time, capable of stretching split seconds into eternity, as well as beating crotchets at exactly 84 beats per minute.

I am deep stillness in contemplation, dancing movement, perseverance through frustration.

I listen, I feel, I touch, I remember, I discover, I am, I do.

I am a way of life, a meditation, a path of growth.

I am a musician’s personal liturgy.

Sci-Fi Soviet Architecture

My new favourite place on the web, PingMag, has some photos by Frederic Chaubin of strange and wonderful buildings in what used to be the USSR. I want to know what they look like inside!